Subtitle: Surveying personal attraction to the modern American male

I’ve been on two different dates now with two different gentlemen, where the man has taken a call from his mother in the middle of dinner. The first time this happened, I thought it was odd, but shrugged it off as an interesting idiosyncratic quality (or perhaps I was reaching). The second time though, I began to wonder if it had become a trend. Did Maxim recently run an article that listed “call your mom on a date” as a way to bed a girl?

While the conversation both gentlemen had with their respective mothers was cute and somewhat endearing, it seemed highly out of place. A move like this should be executed further along in the process, not in the 1st – 3rd date range.

I’ve noticed trends like this before while dating, the last time I was single I encountered a string of men who admitted to paying for sex. I’ve since stopped asking the question that would lead to that answer. I now deem that question highly inappropriate, perhaps more so than taking a call from one’s mother.

So what then is a “deal breaker?” I believe these are highly personalized areas that differ for each person and for each interaction. I do have a list of “deal breakers,” but I have recently shortened it. I found that my old list discriminated too much and created too many rules around interpersonal relations with the opposite sex.

I’ve since narrowed my list to the following guiding principals:

1. Men I date shall not use hard drugs.
2. Men I date shall not be boring as fuck.

I feel like everything else I can work with on a case-by-case basis, but a rambling self-involved junkie = snooze fest. These standards do not make me “easy” though, I don’t have a very broad definition of boring.

Last week I went out with a very nice gentleman, very settled in his life, professional, reasonably attractive, somewhat witty. We were chatting, conversation was easy and I could envision he and I snuggling on the couch in his luxurious adult apartment, that I had completely and totally dreamed up. However, I also knew that I was half interested in everything he was saying, and might ever say, and therefore be wholly tempted to cheat on him.

If I’m on a first date and I already feel the desire to cheat, then there probably shouldn’t be a second date. That’s my new attraction barometer. Sure other things come into play - face, style, job, how often he takes a call from his mom during dinner – but these things are secondary to semi-sobriety and engaging conversation.

I leave you with this:“Are you spinning a basketball?”